Who Were My Parents, Before They Were My Parents?
Growing up, I heard bits and pieces of family stories; fragments shared over dinner, or when guests came to visit.
They were glimpses of who my parents, Trish and Walter, had been before they became “Mom” and “Dad.”
I wanted to know more, not just the facts, but the essence of their lives before I arrived. With their help, I began piecing together those early chapters, one memory, one photograph, and one conversation at a time.
This project began as my own search to understand who my parents were before they were my parents, but it’s also about something larger: the way stories connect generations, and the art of listening deeply.
I hope what I’ve learned along the way will inspire you to start asking questions of your own.
The Project: "By Happenstance"
It began simply enough, when I asked my mom if I could ask her a few questions about her nursing career.
She agreed, and here we are, a year and a half later with the first draft of a book about her life complete, and Dad's nearing completion. Here is a short video about the project, in a Pecha Kucha format – 20 slides, 20 seconds per slide:
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Initially, this project was just for us – and for extended family. But we began posting chapters on Substack as we completed them, and the project grew, there was a broader interest in my parents' stories. People whose relatives grew up in England during the war, as Mom did, or whose aunt trained as a nurse, as Mom did, were reading the chapters. Some reached out to share their own family stories.
Dad's story sparks the curiousity of others whose relatives grew up in rural British Columbia in the 1940s-1960s. His experiences as a bush pilot in Canada's North appeal to readers who have an interest in aviation, or the ruggedness of land and life in the North.
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For me, learning about the personal choices that shaped my parents' lives, at a time when their whole path still lay ahead of them, and how they faced hardship, conflicts, and opportunities, was powerful. Their stories didn't' just reveal who they were then, and are now, but also who I am.
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Open to Possibilities: The Life of a Young English Nurse
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Trish Lewis was 17 years old and desperate to escape a mind-numbing administrative job at a factory in Liverpool in the 1950’s. She made the impulsive decision to join a friend to interview for nurse’s aide training at Alder Hey Children’s Hospital. That decision changed the trajectory of her life and launched her into an interesting and rewarding career as a nurse.
Learning to Fly: The Makings of a Bush Pilot
Walter Harms was the oldest son of Mary and Jake Harms, Mennonites who fled to Canada in search of safety and the hope for a better future. He was a curious child, always interested in the land they lived on, and how things worked. As a young man, this curiosity led him to respond to an advertisement for flying lessons, and the rest, as they say, is history.
I keep seeing new tools on the market that promise to capture your family’s stories: just have your loved ones tell their memories to an app, and AI will turn them into a book you can keep forever.
That approach might very well record the stories, but it misses the heart of it. For me, the real story lives in the process: sitting with my parents, asking questions, listening to what surfaces, and learning things I never thought to ask. I wouldn’t trade those moments for the convenience of outsourcing the connection, the surprises, and the shared journey of following where the memories lead.
This project began with curiosity. The gift it gave back was time; time with my parents, and a deeper understanding of who they were, who they are, and, in many ways, who I am too.
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Here are a few things I have learned through this process:
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Start with curiosity. You don’t need to know what you’re looking for — just begin asking.
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Let memory wander. Stories don’t follow a timeline; let them unfold naturally.
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Ask how, not just what. “How did it feel?” often opens richer doors than “What happened?”
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Listen for what’s between the lines. Pauses, laughter, even contradictions tell their own stories.
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This project is not yet complete. For updates and new insights, please subscribe to my bi-weekly newsletter, where I share new chapters, and details about our progress.